i feel as if someone just poured a pail of cold water on me

so maybe i should really stop being so kaypoh
maybe i should just stop giving a damn
maybe i should just retreat back into my shell
cos afterall, whatever i have done is "not within my job scope"
and i shouldnt have done it
i shouldnt have talked about it
i shouldnt have give a damn

it also mean that to people who dont give a freaking damn about my feelings,
i wont give a damn about theirs too
u want it this way?
u dont think i can be that evil and nasty?
well, let me prove to u that i can
so frm now onwards, thngs are going to be really different
cos for once, i am reaaaaaally SICK and TIRED
of people not giving a damn over my feelings
i think its enough.

i went all the freaking way to buy a cake
i finished cca at freaking almost 8pm
and then i have to rush down to buy a cake
and ended up reaching home at 930pm
and then having to start writing my hist essay at past tenpm
and ended up only sleeping at 2 am
and hence i slept for 3 hours
and i dont mind doing it
cos its for adrian and xj
for 222
and this was discussed by me claud and kris
and no one had bring up a second idea
no one had said anything

yet, i was being blamed and scolded
and u know what, it bloody freaking isnt fair
AT ALL
why should i be blamed when i care
i have been asking myself repeatedly

i dont have to give a damn
i dont have to care
so now i start asking myself, why do i even bother to care.

maybe what darl said was right
maybe i just should stop doing these things
cos it seems as if whatever i done are wrong
you said i shouldnt bother so much bout people who dont bothered about other's feelings
you said i should just show them my nasty side
you said i should just stop treating these people like they are so impt
u said i should just forget about treating them as friends
you said i must learn to protect myself
and thats wad claud said to when i went to talk to her on sat night
but i dont know how
i dont know how to protect myself
so i guess, u have to help me do the job:)
of all the thngs u said i should do, i dont know how
i dont know how to do
cos i dont think i can faced myself and my conscience if i did them
i dont think i am able to do them
i just simply cant
and i admit, i am weak

i am starting to really feeling tired
for once, i am starting to realise i should just let go
and for some reason, i dont find it hard to do it anymore
guess i have been stung and hurt enough

i love you, as always:)