looking at my choir schedule, i could predict how i would look like at the end of 18 may
and how my results for the weekly test and homework would look like
wasnt quite happy with it actually

how do we make time out for studying
time management everyone says
but how do we do it when there is simply no time given to us to manage

i cant wait for syf to be over
i dont feel my enthusiasm
not like in sec sch
wheni adored to stay for choir prac
when i adored choir
when i feel so wonderful standing on stage to sing
i miss that feeling
a lot
its been long since i last stand on stage and sing
since sec 4
for syf
and i missed that feeling
and sense of satisfaction

hey bestie vann, i love ya:))
a lot
dont try to get rid of me
haah
no matter how much we hate each other
:)

for some reason, i felt damn guilty
i admit you wasnt angry
but neither was u smiling at all
and that evident look of disappointment u seldom have on ur face spoke volumes
and i knew that you are in fact disappointed
of the fact of me going home cos i ws really tired
even though u tried to tell me you wasnt angry nor affected in negative way
and yet, i think i was sensitive enough to feel that wave of disappointment
and i felt really down and bad
i have been saying for tons of time that i am tired
and bail out on you on qute a number of occasions
and this one too
and even though u said u wasnt angry,
even though u said its ok
but it isnt actually
and i understand how u feel
maybe not all
but at least enough to feel really bad
saying sorry dont seem to cure anything
or make anything better
and i am lost of ideas to make it better
why dont you tell me?

these feew days, i guess i went ard feeling moody and annoyed for no particular reason
shooting and hurting people
sorry to bestie vann
sorry to you
sorry to people who endured all the crap

should stay happy now
at least not be moody in school

being happy sounds so foreign to me all of a sudden
feeling kinda lost i guess

my mood spiralled down after i realised what a failure i have been:(

12:38AM