i really got the feeling today as i was reading through my gp compre on racism which again i knew NUTS about to just throw away all the notes and papers
and that feling grew stronger as i was trying hard to understand the passage
and till now, i still dont UNDERSTAND:(
and it is really freakingly irritating to me
and throughout the whole day today, i was pissed and annoyed and irritated and didnt talk at all
i so dont wan to have to vent out my frustration on my realtives my family cos they are bloody innocent and it is not their fault that i had neverending homework

so i ended up taking it out on myself
keeping it hidden
and hurting myself in the process
ouch:(

i freaking dont get it
maybe its just me
but why do i feel like i had neverending homework
why cant i finish up my homework lik in 2 hrs time
cos i did mine from 2pm to 530pm
slept for half an hour before being disturbed by jiahao who happened to call me on my hp
the only reason why i picked up is because it is just near my head and it is irritating the ass of me cos my bed was vibrating because the phone is vibrating.
and then ate my dinner( i seem to realise that i am eating lesser and lesser due to whatever reason)
and then CONTINUE to finish up my homework until just now 10 something pm
which i finally finish up my work
phew
this whole sat was doing my homework
and tmr is reserved for NUS
when will i have time to study?
am i actually complaining too much?
which my mum thinks i am
but is not her so she wouldnt know or understand

i dont mind having extra lessons and stuff
i just get bloody irritated if i ahd to spend the whole freaking weekend to just finish up my work without even attempting to study
i tried today i honestly did
i never even watched a minute of tv today
except after i finished up my work and when i am having dinner
i tried to finish up my work as fast as possible so that i could study
i seriously cant stand going off to sleep without finishing up my work so i ended up sleeping like 5 hours a day on week days
and ard 8 hrs during weekends
end they told me i SHOULD wake up early
its good for health
what the bloody hell
its not like i dont want to wake up
but i cant
i just automatically slep to 11 am today without even waking up once
which shows how tired i am
even when my mum and sis were being noisy in the living room
my body and brain just wouldnt wake up
so what can i do
use electric to shock me up then?
bloody irritated when people keep telling me to wake up early dont sleep until so late
i know that waking up early is good
i know that some people do wake up early no matterw what time they sleep
and they studied twice as hard as me
sooooooo?????
i am not them
never ever will be them
i cant for freaking sake wake up early
i cant even tell myself to wake up
cos my body and brain dont allow me to do that
these people are good and hardworking twice as me
or maybe even thrice
i admit
so?????????????
why for the fucking sake should i be like them or even try to be better?
i just do my best, in terms of every single things.
and i am satisfied
called me stupid call me dumb or call me lazy
but seriously this is the way i am
and i am freaking pissed when every single time they had to caompare me with someone.
cos i simply dont care

go and clone them then
i am not going to be like this
and i admit i am lazy

and then there is this thing about me studying in jc
or t be precise , in yjc
so yah i am complaining bout havingnto wake up early to go there
i am lamenting that i am tired and have to travel
but not for once, am i lamenting that i am STUDYING at yjc
NOT ONCE
i am just saying that it is tiring
so shoot me if u dont like me studying there
if u think i am bloody dumb for study8ing there
or i should study at ajc cos its nearer and better,
cos i dont give a damn
i am still loving yjc
and the people there
so i seriosly hate poeope who had to tell me that it WAS MY CHOICE that i am tired and that i should be clever to choose ajc.
it is my choice and it still is, so seriously FUCK OFF

ok i am pissed
very
and most of it dued to the stress
and which everyone is having right now
so i am not saying that i am the only one and that people should pity me, NOT.
i am just saying, for god's sake, cut me some slack
i am entitled to complaining and to sleeping
and i am complaining to myself only
is not like i am forcing people to hear it



my mood is not getting better
jc 2 feels like going to battle but knowing that somehow or rather, it looks such a bleak fight
but u had to keep hanging on and persevering
and push on

i totally am super irritated by what he say about ogls
ok so we are slacking when u are taking block tets
we should be hanged
and i know , its not fair for those who took block tests
i understood the way he feels
totally
but to say that the ogls are not better than him
it just sounds off
we did not take up ogl because we knew that we dont have to take block test
it was the third day of orientation before we knew,
so we took up ogl even when we had to take block test
and believe it or not, orientation isnt holiday for us
how could u like to keep on smiling and talking to strangers making them talkwhen some just plainly stare at u
orientation was tiring and i am not complainning cos it was absolute fun
and i enjoyed it totally
but we did not take it up for the sake of not taking block test

i do admit i was relieved when i knew that i dont have to take block test
but to keep complaining that it isnt fair and that we should deserve the same consequence ,
it just brings to the point that it was ur own fault for not studying
and not ours
maybe i am super sensitive these few days hence these words struck me hard
but seriously dont complain to me about this when u just want people to drown with you
cos i do get angry and i so shout and scream like any normal people:)

i know why is it so stressed
i know why is there so much work
i just hoped for one small thing that time woould go a bit slower
which obviously couldnt happen
so i should take it optimistically
and seriously just work hard for this year
and stop being distracted
for once i wasnt looking forward to holidays and weekends anymore

i need someone to talk to:(