I am currently at work
with nothing to do.

YAY! (:

okay i am boredddddd.

I have successfully completed my transition to 21 years old.
HAHA.

many many thanks to soooo many people.
for xl and brown, they went check in with me. and entertain me (:
haha and endure the boredness cos there was only 3 of us at first. and teaching me to play pool. wahaha. i am the expert now. lol not. many love.

and hm, qingg, vann for coming despite so late and so tiring. love youuuuuuuu (:
and granting my birthday wish to watch vampire sucks WHICH REALLY SUCKS.
oh my god, this is the worst movie I ever watch. so much worse than the movie, 408 or sth like that.
THE GAGS are so lameeee.
i dont know whether to laugh or to cry lah. stupid show.

lol i think i said the sentence, it's my birthday wish, more than twenty times in two days' time. HAHAHA.
oh well, i got the special privilege. and became super evil too and mean. lol.

pool-ed two times.
HAHA xl is the best motivator EVER.
haha cos i sucks at it.

ate so many many food.
HAHA. bbq chicken, meesiam, yakun, curry puff, dessert.
so many many.

watched a second movie, aftershock.
and it was super nice and sad at the same time.
i cried. LOL. it was super heartwrenching.
and we couldnt really understand the feeling unless we are parents you know.
:(
HAHA change of moods all of a sudden.

received many lovely presents.
my polaroid camera (: is my loveeeeeee.
thanks akkkk (:

my wedges from vann. YAY! (: super super love it.
i wore it today.

my giraffe-theme presents from xl,
super cuteeeeeeeeeeee.
(:
super loveeeeeeee.

my gmask voucher from twin and pop.
SUPER HAPPY. i can get my winnie the pooh cover (:

crystal necklace from claud nat and ritty.
pwreeeeeeeety (:
heehee, loveeeeeeeee.

the cute elephant from beryl.
SOOOOO cuteeeeeee. loveeee it.

scheduler and stationary from xj and adg.
haha so typical of guys. HAHA. ready for school (:

perfume and keychain from cousins (:
smells super nice.

and the lovely scrump? from my sis (:
haha its sooooooo cute. love my sis and the cute softtoy.

bag from buddy and minyi.
loveee.

and flowers from nat (:
as a replacement for.....
HAHA. love you blossom.

thanks 222 for coming and making it wonderful (:

i got so much to thank for and be grateful about.
i think everytime in the future if i ever feel sad and lonely, I will rmb this day and realise i shouldnt be sad (:
cos I received so much love and care and thoughts.

my sis super love the polaroids. LOL.
and i super love it too. (:

thanks for all the wishes. personally, facebook, smses.
if i didnt reply, it isnt that I dont accept the wishes but cos I want to reply but keep forgetting.
but i do thank youuu.

oh and of cos before i forget, i think the people that i need to thank the most will be my parents.
cos of the money they spend, the time they spend, and everything that they do for me.
they are the most impt people in my life (:



todayyyy is such a tiring day.
i replied so many emails.
but the number keeps increasing.
oh my goddd.
i gave up clearing all and went home.
tired :(

i am getting a new colleague tmr.
to help out.
hopefully, we can be friends. lol, if not very weird.
yay!

ohhh and i super love my cakeeeee.
haha its so princesssy.
(:


tatas(:

Actually i still gt no idea what i want.
Lol.

Okay here it goes

1. I really want that polaroid cam.
In fact i wanted to go buy it myself but my mum stopped me cos she say might as well ask someone to give me. I want the bronze one. Please! (:

2. I want that pair of wedges! At fep. Please ask van to pin point u which one.
I really really want that one! I love shoes.

3. I really want the pooh bear itouch cover. Have been searching for it very looooong. So please if u find it, give me. I will love you beri much.

4. Blazer. Cos its freaking in the office and i need it so i can wear my dresses to work. Black one please.

5. Shoes. Heels. U help me check, the back of the heels shouldnt be hard as rock. Lol. If it isnt, i like. Again, i love shoes so even though i have a lot of it, i will still love yours.

6. My pooh bears gt thrown away when i moved house. Sad :(
So big one? Lol big big one.

Okay i shall update this when i think of more.

Sorry for being so emo just now.
Okay now(:

Btw, i wear 37 shoe size.

I need to go buy my birthday outfit today.
But i am super lazyyyyy.
But at least i settled my doorgifts, my cake and my catering!
And i am still left with banner.
And my art isnt too good to start with.

I seem to be getting better.
Thank goodness, i tot i might never recover.
Stupid doc from polyclinic. I hate youuuuu.

I find it so hard to talk to my customers cos of my voice.
And some even laughed at me.
Lol.
Can my voice quickly return to normal? :(

They are hirin a new temp to help me out.
I hope they are not sacking me haha
I came home happily that i will have a new friend,
My parents think i am dumb to be happy. Lol

Okay , who cares. There are more jobs ard i hope.

My to buy list:
A dress
A belt

And i need to do my nails too! Ahhhh
No time no time.
And money of cos.

Cant wait till next friday and sat! (:

Walalalala! (:

i forget to mention in my previous post.
that it isnt a emo post, or that i write it cos i was feeling upset.
in fact i write it in high spirits.
feeling happy and peaceful.
lol.

because these issues have happened before.
and i have deal with it in a typical xinyi way.
and i have move on too.

like the priority thing, it doesnt hurt me that much anymore.
i still make the same mistake then and now.
but then there will never be any equality in friendship.
and it isnt about who puts in more.
its about how this friendship works out.
i may be willing to do something for a friend that she wont do for me, and yet she will be willing to do something for me that i wont do for her.
so its not equal.
and will never be.
but then, its okay and perfectly normal.
i am happy that i am able to do somethings for my friends.
because i believe in making use of who i am.


there are somethings that will never change.
like who i am, how i am, what i am.
despite the fact that all the times i told myself to change.
unless it is something that will cause others hurt, then i would change it no matter how hard it is.

even though it might sound ridiculously stupid, i am thoroughly happy in the fact that every night i sleep, i feel totally at peace with myself.
no guilt conscious or whatsoever.
no niggling thought.

actually despite the fact that i complained, grumbled, whined and rant,
if i have another choice or chance to do it again,
i would do the same thing all over and again.

i have listened to many people,
different advices.
and those are totally extreme ones on the two ends.
i gladly take some, leave some.
like i said, if i change to be someone i am not, then i wouldnt be the same person again.
things wouldnt be the same, and friendships wouldnt be the same again.

and if i wasnt the same person anymore, would you interact with me in the same way?
i doubt so.
LOL.

so yes, i am HAPPY (:


i am sick.
lol
again.
fever coming back again and again.
today was much much better.
lucky.
if not i would have to lie in bed for dontknowhowmany days.
lol.
i need to take more vit C.
got to go stock up on that.

i finally settled on many stuff.
i ordered my catering and cake.
and the cake is dammmmmmnnnn pwreeetty.
HAHA.
i super like.

yay.
no more things to do.

shall go sleep somemore.
haha.
wohooo. (:

I was so busy busy busy in the morning yesterday.
was thinking of how to finish up all.

then in the end i got nothing to do after lunch.
lol
totally bored.
was reading past past emails.

lol. damn funny.
i am so evil.

thanks to all the lovely people who replied my msg for my birthday (:
appreciate the quick reply.

i helped vann upload so many photos. HAHA.
stupid pop.
say I am irritating when i uploaded the photos.

My voice is damn sexxxy right now.


Cough and flu. Damn nice combi.

I learned not to have high expectations.
When you dont have, you wont feel sad when it didnt reach what u want.
Lol.

Sometimes i forget how everybody is different.
I forget what i think should be the way does not mean others think the same too.
Selfish? I want others to think the same too.
Wont the world be much beautiful then? Haha

The she/he, him/her, you in this post refers to nobody in particular. You can pretend its whoever you want hahaha.

Like how the priority issue comes into mind.
You treat her as someone who holds a high priority in life.
You will be willing to give up or sacrifice somethings for her.
You happily thought she will also treat you as a high priority.
Cos afterall you two are close buddies/ friends.
Then you realise at the most impt time, that she doesnt.
To her, you are just not high enough to make her sacrifice things that you may thought is a lower priority to her, but actually isnt.
And the hurt and pain comes in.
And then lament bout why she does that.

However, she never once promise you that you will be a high priority.
Even if she did, it doesnt always hold true cos its not a black and white thing.
You have yourself to blame for putting so much faith and watch them all destroyed cos you are too stupid to realise not everybody thinks like you.

Hence, when you do something for someone
Never expect someone will do it back for you. Unless its sth bad lol.
Cos not everybody thinks its necessary to do such a thing for someone.

Just like how you thought cos you enjoyed her company and friendship,
She will also enjoy your company and friendship right?

But then again, you dont realise it isnt true until it's too late then you are the one feeling hurt
But then you have who to blame?

is thinking everybody will be nice people too naive?
Treating everybody nice because in your mind, they are all nice people and deserve to be treated nicely, is this too stupid?

I never goes ard doubting anybody's motives before.
And it always backfires cos when i realise the actual intention, it is too late.
And i am confused? Is it me to be blamed for not doubting them? Or them, for using me? Suddenly, the ones who used me are blameless. And i am to be blamed for being so ridiculous. Who in the world wont protect themselves first, you might say.
I jus want to say i am not that stupid to not know i have to protect myself.
I may be dumb, but i am a human too survival instincts.
But i dont go into a situation or place or anywhere with the urge to protect myself or cover my back. Why would i when i dont sense the danger? Just like i dont go and doubt that someone is using me or backstabbing me right? wouldn't it be damn tiring to be that way all the time?


but you can say that in the end, I am the one who suffers right?

but you know what, i rather suffers than to doubt everyone that comes into my life.
to give them the benefit of doubt makes life more beautiful.
and inter-relationships between people more meaningful.

you might not agree with me, but then again, i dont need you to agree with me.
because i highly doubt i would change.
if i changed, then i wont be the dumb xinyi that everybody knows right?
that would be more scary.

the reason why i blogged all this is for fun.
HAHAHA.
or the things i understand, i learnt, i chose not to learn.
i chose not to learn not cos I am too stubborn, or too proud, or too stupid to learn.
i chose not to cos I dont want to turn myself into someone I dont want to be in the first place, into someone i dislike in the first place, into someone i despise in the first place.
(this someone again refers to nobody in particular, more like refers to the characters in shows HAHA)
i chose not to because i rather not hurt anyone i love, cares and dear to my heart.
you may not treat me as your high priority or hold me dear, but i do.
i do, with genuine sincerity.
and hope that you do too (:

even if at the end of everything, i realise it does not work out in my way, and i admit i will feel hurt, upset, disappointed and everything, then so be it. i will just cry and sulk all the way. LOL. but i dont think i will regret anything, i DONT THINK SO LAH. HAHAHA.
or maybe i will.
after all , its human nature.


but i rather be who i am, then trying to be who i am not.
because life is too short for this all tiring things.
why bother hide when there isn't anything to hide.
why bother cover up when at the end of the day, it 's you who suffers.

unless you prove me wrong, or whoever proves me wrong, maybe i will change my opinion.
or actually not, cos i am kind of stubborn also.

despite the many times i complained or grumbled or cried over it.


you know when people say hey she/he is not perfect, you shouldnt blame him/her.
and i understand, cos nobody is anyway.
it's scary if someone is perfect perfect, you know.
but that " i am not perfect" should never be used to be an excuse, isnt it?
like i understand that in some areas, i am not perfect, still not perfect, but cos i know, i try to change that part, or i try to make sure i dont cause any hurt because of that imperfect.
but i am still not perfect, its just that i try to keep that to the minimum.
i dont blame anyone for not perfect, i just wonder whether that can be used as an excuse.
used as an excuse all the times.
its like a free ticket to get out of everything.
nobody is perfect, but that itself cannot be used as an excuse.
i am not perfect, so it's all right if i do illegal stuff, so i dont need to suffer the consequences?
it doesnt sound right, does it?


i blogged so much, for whatever reason i also dont know.
lol.
its just i have been thinking way too much these days.
esp after i worked.

i actually love the fact that i am dumb.
(:




i got so many things in my mind.
so so so many.
but i find it hard to sort it out.
HAHA.

yesterday was pop's birthday. so we headed to celebrate!
HAPPY BELATED, pop (:
headed to KTV at Topone.
With my Inseparable TWIN(: who cut bangs!! And gt ribbon in her hair. And whom i love and adore. Faster go meet up again.
mad hilarious okay with pop and xj. Twin and i gt free entertainment. haha. the two are the most funniest people to go ktv with.

took xj car all the way to tanjong pagar.
soo goood, no need to take mrt.
haha.
KPOP SONGS! haha i need to get back to listening to them.

KOREAN FOOOOODD!
finally, my korean food that i crave. YAY(:

super full and top it with my DOUBLE CHOC FRAPPE.
damn long since i drank it.

was so tired last night when i reached home.
i just bathed and sleep.
but it was sooooooooooooo fun. i miss 222 so much:(
another gathering okay? which is my BDAY! (:

which reminds me i ought to post up a wish list.

but then there isnt much i want.
1. POLAROID! you know the fujifilm brand de. i think it's called. pleaseeeeeeeee.
2. SHOES. haha. size 7 please. heels.
3. perfume? lol.
4. BAGS(:
5. POOH BEAR STUFF. the itouch cover please. haha
6. anything you want to give me (:
7. your love and wishes, of cos (:

haha i make the font more obvious. LOL. for you all.

saturday was outing with claud.
orchard, chinatown, bugis.

the japanese meal for lunch was damn cheap.
and damn nice.
and CRYSTAL JADE! (:
my ha kao. or prawn dumpling?
and claud's xiao long bao.
and my very curry-like beef noodles.
haha.
and of cos the KOI GUY, CLAUD!
best thing of the day.


today was back to work again.
HECTIC! :(
all the iPhone 4 stuff.
and the mistake i made.
again.
booo.

so many things i wanted to blog in the morning.
but lazy to type it out now.

haha. shall type out when i feel less tired.

where is vannnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
haha.

when will my horoscope come true?
haha.
on my birthday?
my nails break:(
super sad.


i want to do my nails again.
but too short after it breaks.

best of all,
i want to sleep.
nights (: