walalala.
i watched wallace and gromit: the curse of the wererabbit.
( i know its a bit too long for me to watch it now HAHA)
on HBO last night.
the gromit damn cute lah.
but the storyline quite plain.
haha.

bbq-ed cum steamboat-ed
just n0w.
my house smells of the bbq smell now.
hha.


interview tmrrrr.
the best thing is i still dont knw at where.
cos that person did not email me as promised.
if its at novena
i can have doughnuts!
haha
i like the mint chocolate one.yummmmy
haha
i found one who like that too XL!
haha

shoppping :)
i aim to spend well as less or least as possible.
haha
aim lah huh.
hha

there are loads of things i want to do
and suddenly work is not one of those.
lol.

want to watch movies
rule 1.( ehh correct?)
be kind rewind.

wan to do many things
kbox.
suntan
cycling.
(i still want to suntan)

oh i couldnt sleep last night lah
no not cos i was thinking and emo-ing.
cos my skin hurts especially my shoulder areas
dont know how to lie down without hurting them.

thats cos i very smartly only apply sunblock on my face( actually its just powder)
and very smartly its only spf 15
HAHA

so yeah kinda explains why my skin is that painful.
damn.


applying loads and loads of moisturising cream
but rather my shoulders being red than my face lah.
i have my own experience of that in OBS camp.
lol.


like what i told nat
i feel alive
happy
glad
glee
bliss
wahahah.

its nice to stop being that emo
being that down
or that upset.
or think about stupid things.

its why
why are those bothering me.
shouldnt i know better.
haha

OH MANU LEADING 1 GOAL TO LIVERPOOL.
wahahaha.

anyway
need to put a stop to it
and since well, i am writing it for my own reading
and well whoever is reading
but the one who is supposed to read this probably neevr will read it.

unless i read the hints clues or whatever wrongly.
it clearly states that hey there is some interest.
i mean if it wasnt,
then i am either blind or you are being too friendly and it really freaks me out then.
cos we only knew for what few weeks.
way not close.
so well
all those hints and clues i can read.
i am sensitive you know.
and it all pointed to well something.
added with the fact that you ask me out,
it pointed to one thing.

communicating happily
then something just changes.
i dont know what happen
or whats the problem with you or with me.
cos i freak you out?
or maybe i am too scary?
or too perfect( LOL!)?

or it comes back to what i have been guessing
and what is like true
the small evil jealousy doing.
like heh? i am suppposed to be able to read your mind
supposed to assure you?
or my fault that someone treats me good?

i didnt read that memo that it was my fault.
so guess what i got hurt by your attitude
cos it doesnt make me realise that its my fault
and its still not okay.

despite many times of hinting and reassuring.
it still goes back to square one.
i still dont get it why you dont get it.
like what buddy says, another woodblock argh.

i mean i am self denial lah
but self denial to that extreme?
no claud, i am not that extreme.
( oh liverpool now to 10 men!)
you refused to admit whatever you are supposed to admit.

maybe you got the same phobia as me.
i guess.
so we went around and around in circles.
guess what i feel everytime i see your msn nick.
the feeling to just shout your head off.

everytime i told myself to just give up
but there always something that crops up.
and it went from being sweet( like what claud and qingg says) to became downright annoying.

like how can jealousy be that overboard?
yeah guess my birthchart is right, taurus people are REALLY VERY JEALOUS.
( of cos there are probably exceptions lah, i hope so)
what i dont get it is, is there anything to be?
okay, somehow vann and buddy says its normal.
okay maybe i wasnt that kind of person to start with.

but we arent tgt, you know.
no use trying to act all jealous
or indifference
and hope i didnt notice or did?
cos even if i did, i wont do anything
cos i am already disgusted.
minus marks yeah?

after so many months? weeks?
of going around in circles.
i give up.
i am going to make it a straight line with a full stop.

forget it,
if you still cant see things through
then i shall make it easier for you
or actually for me.
i am going to stop
forget
let go.

you can be jealous or upset youself.
but not me.
i dont want to be upset.
esp since i offered a chance for you to tell me,
for you to stop the circles.
then of cos, you must think that i like some other guy.
yah right, then i talk to you for what.
i went out lunch with you for what.
cos i got too much time to waste?
must be weird if you think that way.

whatever you say now
you do
you writes
is not going to affect me anymore.

and as such, i cease talking to you.
cos we will still be going around in circles.
again.
i know i should have talk to you face to face to solve this.
like what claud says, i got nth to lose.
but i dont really want to
cos i am not sure i am okay and ready to accept that
i mean do i really want to accept you?
yes, a few weeks ago, i would have think so.
but now, no, maybe not, definitely not?
i wasnt sure.
i would have still say yes if you ask now.
but then, future, if sth happen?
i would curse myself for making such a weird decision?

maybe if you read this,
you decided to ask, i might still accept.
( but of cos, you probably thought i am talking about other guys)

but right now
i am not waiting anymore.
or cursing you for not asking.

i am like whatever you want to do,
do it.

maybe if i see you next time,
i might not even smile.
cos seriously why smile at someone who hurts me yeah?


it teaches me not to dive into things
look carefully.
they say virgos and taurus very compatible.
guess what?
i think not at all.
or i am generalising.

if you read this( one in a billion)
and it hurts.
well then,
this will teach you to be a little bit more straightforward.

and stop thinking that all girls are dumb
blind
stupid.

cos i am not.
seriously, since when i told you i am dumb?

the end of the story:)


the old me is back.
i even went extra nice today
smiling
laughing
cleaning my table.

listening to all the songs on my ipod.

dig out all my stuff
i am supposed to photocopy.

i want my doughnuts
suddenly i am craving for it.
haha.

i miss doing the one thing i do best.
being crazy and extremely high.

and i am starting todo it now.
haha.

MANU is borrring.
hah
just one goal.
well at least they are winning.
wallalaa.


the nightmare is over:D