the afternoon's positive attitude is being replaced by negativity
again.

its scary how my mood swings are.

was thinking of what happen in childhood.
you knw those stuffs.

i used to like playing in those castles thing
like where my parents would just drop me there for one or two hours.
where they go shopping.

its like a maze
many different tunnels.

i used to think about which route i want to go.
think about where i want to reach, the destination.
but i always hated one thing, you know is like many ,many balls until u cant see the floor.
in enclosed area.
i always hated it, or scared of it.
i scared i might get hidden in the balls
cos i was damn small size at that time.
damn rididulous now i think of it.

when i reach a cross road,
different tunnels.
i always stop and think
which tunnel would bring me to my destination which i want.

i always love to go there
cos i enjoy the times of having to choose which way to go.



would you still listen to other problems and comfort them if you have your own problems?
i dare say i would.
but would you?


there are reasons why i feel alone:(
i need a doll
or a clone
to be there for me anytime anywhere, to listen to me, to give me a big hug.
to give me the comfort i want.


sometimes
i understand perfectly
youknow that people are busy, they cant always be on 24/7

but many times, i just wish i could just have a hug
the shoulders.


part of the reason why i didnt tell anyone about my problems
is that whenever i tried to talk about my probs,
it always goes back to other problems people have.
i ended up having to use that time to talk about other people probs.
its not that i am not willing
i am always willing
its just i wish deepdown
that i could have a xinyi's time.


i am not that strong.
i am not that saint.


i want for a chance that someone would help me pick up my pieces.

just once.


but no one could
or would.