i am ranting
maybe because i am extra moody today or what
but i hate to compare or compete whether the results is what.
i dun feel the need to compete who is more tired, who is more black.
i dun feel the need to compete who wins or lose.
it doesnt matters at all to me.
and i dun know
when words can pop out so insensitive
obviously knew that i am upset over this issue
and i obviously feel very sensitive over this issue(which is pretty rare therefore the issue is DAMN BIG), and there u are, saying and talking about it as i have never talk to you before.
i am not that unforgiving infact i pretty much forget about it after a half an hour but just now it just sort of come back cos of sth that happen too
i expect that to happen but somehow my heart hope that it wont happen. yet, it did happen.
its a different situation when i come home.
i can cry and scream and shout and vent out everything in me
but in school
i must smile , i must be happy
i must talk and laugh.
even though it freaking hurts inside
cos i dun wan this sentence to come out again
" Dun like that, is so fan."
it hurts, this sentence
u know, if i have a CHOICE, i wouldnt wan to be sad
or hurt.
i hate to write this, everytime i write this sentence,i keep thinking did i do it anot
but PUT URSELF IN OTHER'S SHOES.
just do that..
pretend u are me and i am you..
hw would u feel if i totally disregard your feelings??
i am not uncared for i tink(right??)
but i dun know i cant find one to tok to..
expecting me to act as if nth had happen and that i would quickly revert beck to normal
sorry i cant. i am not some fairy or what.
tink my problems are not a big deal thats because u havent been in my shoes
this post is not bitching
i did not scold any one but just a post to reflect to pour out
cos i tink i will burst like a balloon and i hate balloons bursting
i dont need you to ask me 24/7 whether i am ok not
all i need is for you to show some sensitivity in the way you speak
and act, and please dont think that its not any big deal so i shldnt care and worry and get upset too much, cos to me, it is a big deal.
i dont feel the way i feel anymore in sec school
i feel damn silly
damn stupid
damn nobody
and i dun know where to turn to
is not like nobody cares for me i tink
cos i have
people like my family
my friends
mbc
ak
my cousins
but i still feel lost
and i dont know why
please please think of my feelings
i am not so happy now as i was in the past.
and thats sad.
:C:C