woke up
so stole some time to blog

today was not busy.
at home the whole day.
feel totally lack of energy
sleeping and sleepy
but i watched a bit of whywhylove
before i completely feel knocked out:(

mike he damn shuai can:)

fairytales.
fairytales in this taiwan shows
i once hate to watch these shows.
cos it isnt real mah to me lah
and the storyline always the same de

but i watch whywhylove
super addicted

was thinking about these after watching the show
because
to me, because i am practical
realistic
to me, fairy tales dont happen in real life.
(maybe there are like super rare cases like one in a million.)
but they dont normally happen.
these kind of relationships dont happen normally

maybe thats why i love watching these shows
because for once,
i could escape the harsh reality
and sink myself into fairytales.
who wouldnt want this fairytale to happen huh?
:)

maybe because i am damn skeptical
i dont believe in fairytales happening in real life
because the world is too realistic.

or maybe because i was hurt too many times.
and that hurt
build a barrier around my heart
that barrier doesnt allow me to believe in fairytales
that barrier doesnt allow me o face up to my feelings.
that barrier doesnt allow me to show what i feel.
( whether i like someone or not, the person will never know because i am super idontknow smart? at hiding it)
that barrier makes me laugh at all those fairytale words that are told to me.

fairytale relationship?
nah.
sorry, i dont buy into that.

other things i am very optimistic
be it friends, studies, life.
love?
sorry, lets be more skeptical, realistic and practical.
(maybe it had something to do with me being virgo)

weird huh.

i never told these to anyone.
actually come to tink of it, i seldom share my views on relationship
or love
or my feelings
a lot.

it isnt that i dont want to share.
or i dont want to talk about it.
but i dont know hw to make the person i am talking to understands.
i try it once or twice
before i gave up.
because unless you put yourself in my shoes
then get to know exactly hw i feel,
you will never know.
you will never understand.
then again nobody can know exactly hw one feels.
roughly but not exactly.

thats why
when i got troubled or upset over this,
emo, unhappy, annoyed,
i usually just retreat back into my shell.
because i got a feeling that i am being dumb, or stupid or naive.
and i dont know how to make someone understand.
without being able to make that person understand, then we cant get to the topic
then the advices wont get right to the point.

but still,
i love ya claud nat vann kris:DD
for showing me so many things
:)
and giving me the comfort when i need it.



i am very weird,
i can be really hurt and upset in one moment,
then straight after it, i am damn damn high
like damn damn happy
i wonder is it because i make myself numb le( or dumb? lol.)
then i can suddenly rmb that i am supposed to be upset
LOL.
hello, i am like super weird loh.


right now,
i am shunning EVERYTHING
whatever linked to this.
i dont feel, dont think, dont say.
just go with it.
dont want to use my brains.
(i dont actually use it often LOL)
dont want to use my heart
dont want to use any inch of my feelings.
smart huh?
haha.

feeling weak sleepy
dont know why.
i slept the whole day leh.
tired and tired

to me,
i like fairytales
but somehow i always think it doesnt exist.


i just realised something
i have always dislike
dont really like people who are being superficial.
like how people hook up with the cutest guy, the shuai-est guy, the famous guy.
just cos well they are shuai, cute and famous.
superficiality right on the dot.
like it doesnt matters if his attitude sucks
or he is super not boyfriend material.

wah super dislike
major one.

i mean
i may have say like woah that guy damn cute,
damn shuai leh.
but that doesnt mean i go for guys who are shuai, then the rest dont care.

for once, i dont really go for guys who are shuai( maybe cos i didnt meet these HAHA joking lah)
like will comment wah shuai leh.
but then wont like him just cos of that.

character personality matters damn a lot.
like i wouldnt like the guy to have super bad attitude
super arrogant
snobby
superficial
i will run ah.

why am i saying all these?
haha
because i slept too much.
okay super no link lah.


work work tmr.
rah