i read the previous posts on kris and claud blog.
previous meaning last year.
and i realised woot, things change.
and then i laugh.
because i dont know what i am laughing at.

i am supposed to be studying.
for my freaking sake.
supposed meaning well supposed.

but there is absolutely no motivation.
at all.
with my exams coming at like less than 20 days.
and tons and tons of things to do.
my notes are as thick as my j2 notes.
jc- one year
now-FOUR FREAKING MONTHS only.

and yet i am still stuck here.
and it sucks.

its like i feel that i am doing it all alone.
like last year, 222 was doing it tgt.
all the -jiayous-, -study tgt- all around.
major motivation.

now i am telling myself to jiayou and buck up, but obviously i failed miserably
because i dont listen to myself anymore.
not that i dont have uni friends, but we are all like busy.

i really feel like smashing my tv and lappy and desktop.
thats the only way for me to study.

no. wait. I SLEEP.
i so missed last year when i can wake up at 3am to study, despite all the teasings.
i cant even wake up at 10am if i dont have morning lessons.
i slept right through 10.
totally.

where is my 3am motivation?!

thats why i say things change.


while i jiayou-ed nat and vann,
i really need someone to do that to me:(
majorly.

i feeel like i am throwing everything away
my education.
pick up for me, someone?

never have i felt this way before:((