i am still battling the flu virus
sniffling away right now:(

we had jogathon today at east coast park
it ws fun:)
particularly cos i dont have to run
haha
and this is like the first time jiahao was early
FIRST
i think this is some rare case
LOL
apparently from my dad, when he stepped into my dad's car,
the whole car smelt of his cologne
haha
we were early , ended up waiting for pop at mac
then walking all the way to the check point
which is bloody near to the others
was supposed to take down the number tags
but woah, the whole bunch of people ran past us at such a fast speed
we couldnt even see the tag
let alone the numbers
haha
so pop and me ended up stoning
we were supposed to eat lunch tgt after the jogathon
but we walked the wrong way to parkway
so we ended up going home
taking taxi with pop vann jiahao

i suddenly realise i am a big spender of money
i realised how many sets of clothes i acually bought for chinese new year
which only had 3 holidays
i think i spent over 500 bucks on my clothes accessories bag( yes i bought a new bag specially for new year lol)
and not to mention my shoes
which are lovely
and a loaaaaaaaaaads more:)

was out shopping just now
bought quite a lot
lets see
one skirt( i walked to soooooooo many shops)
lipgloss( i think i always manage to lose it after i bought it and use it for a few days)
which brought me to a random point, i had already lost my eraser the fourth time.
i should really really buy one big eraser
so that i wont lost it
LOL
then i bought nail polish which obviously i had tons
new addidas deodorant/spray (i think i had loads of them unfinished)
then new pair of sandals( i dont now why my sandals always spoil so easily)
bangle to match my clothes

i think i am addicted to spending money
reaaaaally
haha
my mum is always amazed at me for always having something to buy
but seriously i think i got that trait from her
cos i will see her with new shoes everytime she goes shopping
lalaalla

i am so into new year now
i think i need the money badly cos i am broke
and i haven gotten my pay yet
i want a new mp3
or something which tickles my fancy
haha
that kinda proves that i am a big spender
a super big one

oh i realised that this afternoon i was saying about vann being picky
on buying her clothes
as i was walking through the many shops just to find one bloody skirt
i realised i was also picky
pot calling the kettle black i guess:))

new year eve is like now
haha cos its past 12 am now
i am soooooooo awake
cos i slept in the nooon when i gt back from ecp
sleep and sleep
i think its waaaaaaaaaaaay too long since i have slept that wonderfully blissful before:)
and thats great to sleep like that
tmr is going to sleeping time
i seriously dont want to go new year with dark eye circles
and looking waaay haggard
and tired
my house now after so much noise had become so quite suddenly
cos my dad and mum apparently decided to go and look at flowers and plants
and they brought my sis along
so i have the whole house to myself now


i think it had gotten to a point
where i cant tolerate anymore
and i mean cant
i can even do naming
cos i know that she never bothers to read my blog
or our blog
as in vann's blog too
i am not in a petty state or moody one
seriously , can u ask urself how much u know about our life now
what had happen to us
did we just disappear off the planet
i think u probably dont even know
if we just happen to die off
u never give a damn bout out life
u never ask
u never cares
and i can safely said i did
i care i ask
cos now and then i would ask u how's ur life, whats going on, are u happy,
i would just drop a sms to see how u are
i would just use my time to ask u to find out about ur life
but i never get that frm you
i nevr did
day after day
and it fuckingly hurts
there's nothing that hurts like this
not even when i am going through the downs of relationships
cos at that time i still knew that i could fall back on you
and u would always catch me
but now, i dont know
i dont know when i needed you, would u still be there
would u still keep ur promise
would we still have the friendship we had in sec sch
or have i been lying to myself all this while
i am starting to think that unless i sms u, u have forgotten that we actually exist
or it doesnt really matters whether i sms u or not
after all i am just insignificant
it doesnt really matters to u what i am going through
u once said that i actually forgot u
by being very close to p22
by not spending time to talk to you
by staying at yjc
by not going to ajc
look look what happen now
look seriously who is the one doing all that
whose blog speaks of everything about aj but not even a single word about ak
who didnt bother to ask me how am i
who didnt bother to talk to me
yes i didnt go for meetings
but in case u wan to know, most of the meetings are class or just not whole ak
u know i have my own life
i have my family
i have other friends too
my whole life doesnt just revolve around sitting at home and waiting for u to sms me to call me out
i am not and definitely not free all the times
did it ever register that i had my work to handle
i had things to do
i need time to relax by myself
to you, everytime i didnt go for meeting, it means i dont bother about seeing u
it means i dont care about u guys
it means i just dont fuckingly care
i have my own things to do
i have my own schedule
i dont just sit ard and wait for u to call me to go and eat dinner half an hour later
i dont drop all impt things or promises i have made just becos u decided to call for a dinner
i do made empty promises
i am guilty of that
but who haven done it before?
to u, i am just this person whom u know when u are sad, look for her
but when u are happy, u will never come and look for us
never
i never really went to pick on these things
cos i was hoping u realised
but i guess for me and vann, u never did
and we know
we freakingly know
we continue to lie to ourselves
that its ok
but i guess, i had reached a point that i made myself look like a fool
and i feel like a fool
how hard have i tried
i think i have honestly tried
i gave in everything
no matter how my phone bills bomb, as long as u are sad,
i would spend tons of smses to console u
i dont give a damn bout phone bills
i dont do all this to make u think i am such a wonderful person
i dont do all this to make u feel that u have to owe me something
i do all this cos u are my friend
cos i wan you to be happy
i wan u to know that there are people who care for you
i want to make sure u are ok
cos i am not with u in sch
i cant be with u physically

whywhywhywhy u tell me, must it turn out like this
why i cant just tell u all this face to face
i just cant find my words to tell u all this face to face
cos i know u wont read this
and i have a small hope that maybe uwill
cos i dont wan to just let go of a four-years friendship
i dont know how to
i can let go of relationship
but for friendship i cant
i think somethings wrong with me

i dontknow why i bother to write all this out
i think in some part or another, i have been a failure

tears:(