wanted initially to change into a blogskin with buttons.
its a damn sweet skin and freaking cute.
but then thought of probably vann will probably being not able to view the blog,
so decided against it.

i love my FATHERS' DAY.
actually it wasnt anything special
just dinner treat from the wonderful lady , me of cos.
then went to look at new handphones.
not for me sadly, but for my mum.

i super like sundays.



while i was half asleep yesterday night, okay make it 3 am this morning.
suddenly thought of this.

you know, its impossible to know someone all.
like everything
cos you cant possibly know what that person is thinking about, the exact feelings and stuff.
otherwise, it would be too scary right?
like no privacy.
mind reader.

then there is this question
how well do you know the person?

and there is no definition to that

well then, how well do you know me?
i think i can answer the question somehow.
well enough. but i guess not inside out.

lets see,
have i ever blow up my temper in front of you?
when i mean blow, i mean real blow, like shout curse swear and storm off.
have i ever cry infront of you?
those big cries that dont seem to stop.
have i ever been angry in front of you?
angry meaning, curse and then not talking to you purposely until i feel better.

i think i only does that to my family.

maybe its just me,
like how i portray myself.
i think i always give people the incorrect impression,
like its right as in thats my character, but there are more, indepth ones, feelings and emotions i do feel even though i dont look like i do.

and that haunts me i think.

i dont think i like to talk about whats upsetting me or angering me to people.
esp face to face.
feels....weird.

i dreamt of damn weird things lately.
and i know they meant something, like i am worried/scared/nervous/agitated about something.
then i cant tell what is that something.

some dreams arent particularly scary.
(imagine insects)
but they jolt me out of my sleep.
scared.

i dreamt of insects on my toilet floor.
damn many.
and the insects, some i havent seen before,
and there were even tortoises.
and me, i was standing on a chair with wheels.
looking at the insects, which were rapidly surrounding me.
and i could really feel the fear.
i think i shouted to my mum, who asked me to kill the insects with the chair.
like roll over them, you know?
but then it didnt work, they seems to come nearer.

then i woke up, scared to death.
AND ITS JUST INSECTS!
i think maybe maybe that time i tortured the insects in the ethanol cos of my elements project,
made them stay in there for so long, squished some to death.
they came to haunt me now.
haha.

but seriously, what the hell.
some dream analyst, please?

if i could rmb, i dreamt of raccons, leopards, spider, tortoises, insects.
all ANIMALS or insects or not human.
and then powerpuff girls. okay that dream wasnt scary, flying aways from the leopards, i woke up laughing.
woke up laughing, not LAUGHING IN MY SLEEP like vann,
damn smart, can laugh so loud and so long somemore in her dreams.
scary.

i think the day before, i dreamt of me being late for work.
its supposed to be 930am
but the sky seems to be dark, like night.
then i dreamt of my ah ma or grandma or my mum wanting to drive me to work.
then i took a bus. while being late.
bus driver decided to drive me to work first.
but i was late by then.

maybe cos i keep worrying about being late during weekdays.

i should sleep now.