okay
i am here to rant.
sorry for that
or not.


first of all
its not even my bloody fault.
where? when? which part?

u giving me the feeling that wow you hate me a lot
must be something i did
but i cant recalled anything that i did that is wrong.

i am supposed to rant about a lot.
but somehow i cant get the words out of my mouth.
cos thats only one feeling i have: hurt.

i am just this damn freaking bitch i dont know being so stupid slow dumb hated.

so i am not really worth your attention.
if you trying this hard to tell me,
i thank you for being so brutally honest.
thanks so much.

or i am doing that thing again
i am dreaming
hallucinating.
having a terrrible nightmare.
if it is, i want to wake up from it badly
cos its really horrible.


do you have how much idea it hurts
sure you do feel the same way too maybe
but anger or jealousy or whatever being the major part.
of cos
as usual.
i have to be the one to forget it
to pick up the pieces and move on.
ASUSUAL.
after all
its not as if i have feel it before.
right?
what is this going to be?
and someone once said i lacked confidence in relati0nships. should not be scared of it.
i wasnt.
i welcomed it.
and now see ?

maybe i should thank you
for making me see things clearly.
seeing people clearly
like how i was really living in my own world before i work.
then now,
wow diff experiences
diff painful experiences.

next time
i wont do this ever again.
wont get myself deep
wont ever forget that its not worth it.

i wont forget a lot of things actually.
like what nat says
i will be stronger
afetr this.
cos i always do.


anyway
enough of ranting

yakun-ed today
i missed it badly lah.
:(

worked tilll i almost died.
maybe i ate too much at yakun
feel a bit want to puke.

and my wrist still hurts loh.
nugget
or TOFU!
haha
new word by my blossoms:)


i want normality in my life.
the one i used to have
the laughings
the teasings
the bullyings
just not what it is now, well the sadness i mean.

i never have to worry about this in jc life
well, at least that time all the nuggets and babes with you physically everyday
made being sad hard.

not that i am alone now.
just that physical presence not there?
i cant hold nat claud kris beryl vann.
now right now.

i have my pooh bear i guess
i dont even know how to tell someone by mouth
as in face to face or by phone
without just..oh well.

they say it makes u stronger
i just dont know why i have to be stronger 4 times?
cos i wasnt strong enough yet?
so am i now?

thats it.
stop stop.
my feelings in.
and then i have to retake it out

and that person whom i am ranting will never read my blog.
actually i dont knw.
most probably doesnt.


its so complicated
that i dont know what is it all about.
i dont really
its just
anger hurt
ridiculous
stupd
slow
dumb.

then it goes back to hurt again.