godd, work tmr.
and i still cant slp yet.
cos well. not home yet.

feeling cranky today.
as what beryl says:(
sorry darling.

feeling really tired.

there are times where i really jsut want to sit down and stop doing anything i am doing
and cry.
okay, me being super emo.
and guess what, i did.
at times.
and it gets pretty recent this feww weeks.
i am going to sound stupid
but i feel so much better after crying.
since i cant say or talk it out.
cos i am just an ostrich.
a stupid one.
one who only knows how to say okay.
to smile
and pretend everything is fine.
one who only knows to laugh
and then went home feeling sad.
one who always act really strong
but arent.
one who always never never knows hw to tell people whats bothering her.

i got a problem of trying to put my feelingsinto words
my problems into words too.

so the only thing i know how is to hide it to hide them and then cry and feel better.
dont ask me why, i will jsut say nth.
cos i dont know how to say without being a nuisance:(
or just dont know how to say.

i feel before this: to want to cry while working(or i should say typing.)
is this sudden random feeling.
the feeling of tired.
like how much do i have to bear
how much do i have to hear.
how much do i have to hold on to.
how much do i have to be there.

the diliema is i want to do all those above.
it just..........me.

but can i ask the others to do the same for me?
i dont feel that i have the rights to ask.
maybe i have always feel that i am inferior or jsut nth that really matters.

i always tell myself that it is okay.
i always tell myself nah, i am used to it.

can i just have a day when there are just happy things, happy feelings, happy happy everywhere.
just one.
i spend weekends isolating myself.
just me and myself.
want to be able to scream shout laugh cry.

i desperately want myself back.


how much do i seriously have to juggle
how much time will it take for u to understand that what u did was an extreme.
what u did was rather to the point of irritating?
do u realise that i feel damn damn suffocating.
to the point where i just want to scream back at you to F*** off.
and yet, i know i cant, i wont.

simply cos, its wasnt justified at all.
i am not that evil yet.

how much do i have to hint
or to say
or even to do
to make you realise how much you have affected our friendship.
how much do i have to go to stop myself from feeling so tired
and yet, i cant hurt you.

no, i dont know how much i must do
and i got a feeling there is nothing i can do
except to lash out at u.

vann, guess u know what i say or mean.
:(


even after laughing at the movie ah hock private limited.
i am still feeling rather emooo.

if i have this stuppid sad face tmr,
i am sorry.
ignore me.