02. create & inspire.

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Sunday, July 02, 2006

@ 1:50:00 PM

do u have this feeling before?
feeling helpless and so useless when someone u loved is in pain

i am having double pain now

i feel so darn helpless

i don't even know how to help as i watch on

all i can do is to pray hard

i am so so lost

someone please guide me

having a hard day today

really hard

i was in a daze most fo the time

couldn't focus on anything

i dont even feel like eating

i just wan to sleep for a hundred years and not wake up

i couldn't help

i could only watch

that pain is so unbearable

i could only cry everyday

the whole day

i am such a failure

i cant do things right

i could only preach

i wish to take away the pain

i could not stop my tears falling down

i am scared

very

i dont want to lose anyone

i am weak

whatever i have preached last night dont even help me

i seriously seems to be lost

somewhere in the galaxy

somewhere in the forest

somewhere dark and gloomy

i cant see the way out

no one seems to be there

i feel so alone and small

so so small

and now i am too numbed to feel anything

since all i feel is pain and hurt

oh i am so sorry

i tend to be too sensitive

and therefore couldnt stop my feeling from spiraling out of control

thanks for knowing that dear

misunderstanding do comes frm miscommunication

and i am thankful u understand

u forgive my stupidity of being oh so pessimistic

what happen to me

after i came to jc

i changed

i was not a pessimstic person in sec sch

i became someone i dont even recognise now

i became so filled with sadness and pain

i hate the me now

somehow something changed

environment

everything

somehow it wont return back to what it has been last year

and i feel so empty now

i missed the old me

i missed my life last yr

i missed my friends the most

something is missing

and not even you can fill that space

even though i am thankful we managed to survive thru all kinds of shit

especially my sillyness and my very childish ways of behaving

i guess u never seem to mind

even though sometimes i annoy the crap out of you

and u never showed it

that u are annoyed

and i guess i keep on guessing and guessing

guess thats how it is

how i am

a poem i retrieve frm my book

about the core of everything

Family

Thank you

for teaching me wrong from right

and encouraging me to keep my dreams in sight

For showing me not to let obstacles keep me down

And for creating a smile from my frowns

For saying that you care about me.

And for showing just how special love should be.

for wiping my tears away when i'm feeling sad

And for calming me down when i tend to get mad

for helping others with the good you do

And for teaching me that i should help others too

For hugging me when i am feeling blue

And hispering inot my ears"I Love You."

Thank you, family for all that you do.

I don't know where i would be

if it weren't for you

James Malinehak

beautiful poem

something i found frm reading my sis book

oh this one about friends:

"A friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hours of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate,not knowing,not curing,not healing---that is the friend who really cares."

Henri Nouwen

so so chim

but so meaningful

i am now so numbed

this is pain i guess

this is life

about

you think you know me.

XINYI (:
xnn, with a small amount of weirdness,
a big amount of clumsiness, always so blur,
a great loving for sleep, a major loving for shopping, chocolate, fishballs and strawberries
the always blind as a bat, deaf as idontknowwhat,
speak without thinking, do without thinking,
forever dumb and short, never uses her claws
but then again, it still makes her happy. (:

create &inspire.